Through the Fire: A Testimony of God's Saving Grace

Lost in Fog of Depression

From the age of 14 to the age of 20, I lived in the perpetual fog of depression.

Although I gave my life to Christ at the ripe age of 12, the reality is that I had no idea how to walk out my freedom.

Broken friendships, familial dysfunction, and an inaccurate view of God left me in a dark place during some of my most formative years.

There were days I wondered if God was real, if He had a plan for me, and if it was even worth living long enough to see His plan unfold.

Truthfully, most days I did not believe God saw me or knew me. But this sliver of hope that He did, kept me going.

If only I knew where to find God, I would go to His court. I would lay out my case and present my arguments. Job 23:3-4

A Breaking Point

Drowning in low self-esteem and loneliness during my sophomore year of college, I realized I could not live like this any longer. I would not make it through the rest of my 20’s if things stayed this way. I knew something had to give.

I wanted and needed to know Him for real. So in a last ditch effort to save my life, ready to give in, with no one to turn to, I turned to the God that I'd heard so many testify about.

I go east, but He is not there. I go west, but I cannot find Him. I do not see Him in the north, for He is hidden. I look to the south, but he is concealed. Job 23:8-9

Out of the Darkness

And on that one random evening in my dorm room, with tears flowing down my face, thorns in my heart, and a broken spirit, Jesus met me.

As I cried before Him and confessed that I needed Him, He embraced me, and lifted the cloak of heaviness I had carried for too long. That encounter with the Lord marked me and changed the trajectory of my life.

Today, I look back on those years and my heart breaks because the younger version of me could not see how loved she was.

But as I celebrate another trip around the sun, I can say with full confidence that the Lord was with me even then. 

On my worst days He carried me. In my lowest moments He wept with me. When I fell short, He stood in the gap for me. And He’s still showing up for me even now. 

But He knows where I am going. And when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. Job 23:10

Life is Worth Living

You may not always see God’s hand or understand His ways. You may not even believe that He really loves you right now because of your current circumstances.

But I am living proof that the Lord can take broken things and make them whole.

In case you need the reminder, know that the Lord is a present help in the time of need. That He desires to know you. That He is not absent in the pain. That He loves you so deeply that He gave His life for you. That the best is yet to come.

I wish 19 year old me could see the purpose-driven, light-filled life I’m living with Jesus now. The craziest part is that me and the Lord are just scratching the surface.

It turns out, life was and is in fact worth living because of Jesus.

For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed His ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from His commands, but have treasured His words more than daily food. Job 23:11-10

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